i want my own dream .. so bad i'm gonna SCREAM!

Dear Zac Efron,

I'm sorry I thought Joe Jonas was better than you.
I'm sorry I thought Nick Jonas was better than Joe Jonas sometimes, meaning better than you as well.
I'm sorry I forgot about you so much that I even would've had Kevin Jonas above you on my to-do list.
I'm sorry that even papa, papa[s]razzi[/s] jonas would've probably been above you, as well as Frankie in 10 years.
(Ohmygod who said that).
I'm sorry sorryyyy for making your life a living hell!
But thaaaat wasn't me, that was alter-ego!

You know you love me.
& I know I love you!

xoxo,
Gossip Girl

******

So tonight was a maaaaagical night at work. I actually said "have a magical night" for the first time tonight because I was in such a good mood.
I think we're supposed to say "have a magical night," but I always say "have a good night" or "have a great night."
No. Tonight was just magical. It was like sparklenight.

I wish I could be this bomb-diggety at my job every day.

It could be because I sped all the way there and had time to spare.
It could be because I had a 10-minute long conversation in the break room about Britney Spears before clocking in.
It could be because I finally had time to get a good spot in the K-2 parking (because let's be real ... it's called K-2, so it's automatically my favorite).
It could be because I didn't have to run, at all.

OR, it could be because I had just watched HSM3 and loved it loved it loved it, blasted the soundtrack on the way to work.

Don't even know.
All I know is, I was super nice and really genuinely happy at work, and then my ~srs bsns~ portion of work went without a hitch, & then I helped do other things that I did well, too.
I'm still dgafing about not even getting time and a half. It ain't a thang. As long as I had a good time.

Oh & the bosses who usually have attitudes were nice today, too.

***

So, last night, I was thinking about how I wasn't really excited about Christmas.
Not because I have a job and I can buy myself whatever I want anyway, but just because ...

... not gonna lie, I forgot.

I remember it was something really profound~*~*~*~ though.

Dang .. I wish I could remember. Emo. Oh well.
I'll probably feel the same way next year, at which point I will make sure to write it down somewhere so I won't forget.

***

Anyway, speaking of Christmas, I can't go through a holiday season without singing certain church songs.
They don't sing those at my current church, so I'm glad the people from my old church come over once a year and I get to sing those songs with them.

Tras Hermoso Lucero ... it's hilarious because we can never make it sound good.
It sounds awful every year because everyone's tone-deaf, but that's part of its charm.

O Santisimo, Felicisimo. I remember that's Chepita's favorite hymn during this season.
Either that, or it's her least favorite because we sang it about a million times one year and she was all kinds of sick of it.

***

Hmmm ... I need a new ipod.
I should count my Christmas money now.

Oh & I want pupusas.
BEEN wanting some.

Can't wait to watch some bomb movies tmrw!!
I want to go to bed, but not really.

I want to eat, but not really.
I want to go buy a new ipod, but not really.

***

PS

Dear Joe and Nick Jonas,

Just because Zac Efron totally ~*~PoNeS~* you, that doesn't mean I don't like you anymore.
Just saying.
............. kay.

xoxo, black miley

***

oh, & i legitimately need to go buy cough drops.
i've been dying the whole day.
i miss cough drops.
i miss NEEDING cough drops!
things just aren't the same anymore!!

GO BACK HOME, PLEASE.
fierceness on sunset does not provide the need of cough drops.

happy song ; nothing's wrong. it's all fun, & i'm all numb.

it's getting difficult not to get my hopes up.
it's one of those things that happens every few months,
i have a good day, someone knows people, and numbers are exchanged.

then i wait.

i wonder.

i wait a little more.

i move on.

nothing happens.

this time, though, there's been some follow-through.
there's been legitimate follow-through, as well as evidence that people are actually known.

i waited, i wondered, and then i realized i'd been waiting longer than i needed to wait.
there was already something happening, and i had no idea.

now i don't know what to do.

if 2009 is as long as 2007 and 2008 were, it's quite possible things might actually happen this year.
i used to blame it on things that were out of control, but now everything seems like it might be within reach sometime soon.
it's kind of up to me now, and i can't help but feel unprepared since i never thought it would get to this level.

***

nothing's wrong, everything's okay. i'm a blank slate these days.
i have plenty of things against me, but it's a classic "things can only get worse before they can get better."
things are probably going to get better now, because i've realized that i have to make them get better.
no one's going to make them get better for me.
that's okay, though. i'm up for it now.

things are stable. i know where i stand.
i know what my life is now.
there's no drama, there's no scandal.

now i kind of hope this next year is eternal.
i need time to fix things at my own pace.

& how will i end this year?

HAAAAY!

kay, eating some pizza hut and then getting ready to go out.

amanece un nuevo dia; otra noche sin dormir.

recordando los momentos
de mi vida junto a ti.

***

so i'm watching family feud, the question is
"what would you love to get paid to do at your job?"
or something like that.

and my mind immediately assumes the number one answer will be "have sex."
... then i realized that that is a job, and it's called prostitution.

anywho.

i have a thing for men in authority.
either that, or i'm just scared of them.

i pretty much like my goldfish. he's been a little bit more entertaining the past few days.
by entertaining, i mean .. he's eating right now, and he's done a couple of laps around the landon donovan action figure my dad put in his fishbowl.

i wonder if kevin would seriously try to eat jj if i let him in here.
which reminds me, the cover of my old diary was a picture of a cat trying to play with a goldfish.

so my phone is finally broken. there goes that era.
brb removing all pictures from my phone.

the sad thing is, i can't get to my notes, so i lost this really good poem i had typed out in one of my notes.
i also lost my list.
i have a feeling i'm going to just have to compile a whole new list because someone won't be willing to share hers.
i hope i'm wrong.
although i do still have this one addition to the list as trade bait, so we'll have to see.

----

on another note,
i've never understood why on laguna beach and the hills, all they do is show awkward eye contact. don't these people talk?
i finally got it on the way home on saturday afternoon.
no one said anything after a little while, and everyone got out of black miley and went on their own paths. it was definitely a liz gately-produced mtv reality show kind of moment.
all we needed was some killers music in the background with the awkward eye moments and everyone getting out of the car at their homes.

we need a reality show right NOW.

--

edit!!
i just remembered piale has most of my list. there are just two that are missing on that list. two or three.

i was going to edit something else but i don't remember what it was .. oh well.